My Dreams Tell Me Nothing.

People always talk about how their dreams are SO revealing of their personalities. They're at a cross roads, with a major decision that they can't solve, and then suddenly they wake up (usually refreshed and rested) after having some dream that resolves their decision. They KNOW exactly what to do next.

My boyfriend has had dreams like that. He would occasionally remember them, and then tell his therapist. I mentally imagine his therapist leans forward as the boyfriend says those significant words "So I had this dream yesterday...." I can see in mind his therapist quickly scribbling down thoughts and ideas of what the dream is a metaphor of. How this dream can reveal so much of the boyfriend's unconscious mind. How this could be the big breakthrough, the discover of what his inner child/core issue/essential wound is.

MY dreams however, reveal nothing about me that I don't already know. Here's an example of my dreams:

Most people in the United States are familiar with the popstar Kylie Minogue. Though she's only had two major hits here in the United States (her 1987 remake "The Loco-Motion" which I have to admit that I played incessantly back in high school and her 2001 hit "Can't Get You Out of my Head" which basically everyone that summer couldn't get out of their heads), she's hugely popular in Europe and Asia - comparably to Madonna in terms of recognition. Certainly gay men everywhere know of her, as she is viewed as a gay icon the world round (including here in the United States).

Lesser known is her younger trashier sister Dannii Minogue. Dannii has always struggled with seperating herself from her older sister shadow, often with a slight inferiority complex. I once met a former flight attendant who told me a horror story of Dannii flying on his plane - and of the diva-like attitude she threw when someone referred to her as "Kylie's sister".

Dannii has pretty much released trashy eurodisco songs - songs that wouldn't quite make the cut on a Kylie album. Kylie sings "Can't Get You Out of My Head" and well, Dannii sings a love song to her vibrator....called "Vibe On". Kylie covers classic ABBA songs like "Dancing Queen" and Dannii covers "Xanadu".

Why do I insist on giving you a history lesson on the Minogue sisters? Well because in my dream that I had, I had discovered that there was a THIRD Minogue sister.

This THIRD Minogue sisters was very stealthy. She too released trashy eurodisco songs (trashier than Dannii), but strictly on the downlow. Her name was never put on the singles, instead they were released on "white label" singles, with just the title of the song. They were monster hits in all the big clubs but no one knew who sang the songs, and how they got released. The mystery just deepened.

In my dreams, I had discovered the origin of these songs. And I had discovered the reason why The THIRD Minogue sister choosed to be anonymous.

It was because she was only a pop singer by day. By night she was an evil secret agent, working for a clandestine black op organization bent on taking over the world. Think an evil pop singing version of Sydney Bristow from Alias. The THIRD Minogue sister couldn't have herself TOO MUCH in the limelight for fear of ruining her cover, but she couldn't give up her dreams of singing the pop tunes, and tripping the light fantastic. So she did both, secretly singer her big club anthems (popular among the Europeans, and the gay boys) and secretly carrying out evil espionage missions.

I woke up before I could find out if she really would take over the world (via her dance music, or via her sexy secret agent missions).

And that is when I realized that my dreams tell me nothing about myself. All it revealed to me was:

1. I am a true geek that apparently watches too many Alias/Burn Notice/Chuck/24.

and

2. I am very very gay. A flaming homosexual. Because who else would dream up a THIRD Minogue sister? Isn't two of them enough for this world?